Stop Destructive Self-Talk From Killing You!

Stress. Depression. Anxiety. They’re powerful words that conjure up all kinds of images and prejudices in our minds.
People who suffer from these illnesses find it hard to cope with life. They can feel deeply unhappy, they can find no joy in anything life has to offer, and of course, their levels of self-esteem, confidence and self-respect plummet.
But how can this happen to someone?

Let’s concentrate on how these illnesses affect the way we value the self. Of all of the destructive patterns of behavior these illnesses cause, the way a sufferer talks to the self is the fuel that maintains their illness.

I have experienced depression from two sides. For 5 years, a series of traumatic events triggered a personal nightmare I believed would never end. One of these events came when my lover was diagnosed with depression. At this time, I too had entered into the spiral of anxiety-induced depression. Both of these experiences have given me an insight into how sufferers destroy any value of the self.

Let me give a couple of examples. With my partner, if I’d arranged an evening out with friends, she’d say:

"No, I won’t come, you go without me. I never have anything interesting to say. I just bore people. They’ll find me an effort to be with. I’ll stay here."

If I made a mistake, I’d say to myself:

"I’m useless. I’m no good at anything. Everything I do I get wrong."

This self-deprecation then spreads into other areas of life.
You begin to criticize the way you look, the decisions you make or don’t make, and you focus solely on the downside of life. Each time a little bit of self-worth, a little bit of self-respect and a little bit of self-confidence are eroded.
Eventually, they are lost completely. When I reached my lowest point, having lost everything and everyone I loved, I’d say to myself:

"If I died tomorrow, no one would know and no one would care."
So, what helped me to come out of the fog?

Well, the reason I thought I’d become depressed was because of a series of traumatic events occurring at the same time.
I was wrong. The root cause of my depression lay in the ways I reacted to them. One of the ways I’d reacted was to blame myself for events I couldn’t control. The more I blamed myself, the more I beat myself up. The more I beat myself up, the more my self-esteem decreased.

The phrases I have used to briefly illustrate self- deprecating phrases we continually use against the self are mild. I’m sure you realize that many people use much stronger phrases than I’ve given here. The point is that these phrases would be totally unacceptable to say to others. You wouldn’t tell a person that they were boring, an effort to be with and that everyone found their company dull and it would be better for everyone else if they kept away from people.

Agreed?

Yet, if I say to people:

"Pay yourself compliments. Accentuate your good in all areas of your life. Write down your good points, your triumphs, your achievements. Remind yourself as often as possible about all the good you have done."

They look at me like I’m an alien and say they’d feel stupid. Or uncomfortable. Or even embarrassed.

Yet they don’t feel any of these emotions when they talk to themselves using emotionally charged, self-deprecating phrases! And like rust upon metal, these phrases gradually erode your self-esteem and your confidence.

OK, here’s the bottom-line. I’d like you to inscribe what you are about to read into your mind over and over again until it is permanently etched there:

It is NEVER acceptable to talk to myself in a way I know is inappropriate and even offensive if I spoke in the same way to others.

Time for me to sign off, but before I do, here’s a phrase I say to myself every single day without fail. Please use it, it is very powerful:

"If you put yourself down, down is where you will stay."

Drug Rehab

A Drug is any substance that is taken to suppress an unwanted condition. Extremely chronic or habitual use of such substances to alter states of mind or body, other than for a medically wanted purpose, is called drug abuse.

The inappropriate use of drugs is drug abuse. There are many illegal drugs on the market, which are potential sources of drug addiction. These may be classified into Narcotics, Depressants, sedatives, stimulants and steroids.

All kinds of drugs can be abused, including illegal drugs (Cocaine, heroin), prescription drugs (tranquilizers or pain killers) and off-the-shelf medicines like cough mixtures.

Anabolic steroids are abused by athletes and sportsmen to build up their bodies. Nicotine in cigarettes and caffeine in coffee can be abused. Narcotics include morphine, opium, heroin and methadone.

Depressants are alcohol, barbiturates and sedatives.

Stimulants are drugs such as Cocaine, and amphetamines, hallucinogens and marijuana.

An individual is said to be addicted when he becomes physically and mentally dependent on any of these drugs and experiences withdrawal symptoms when the drug usage is stopped or reduced.

Drug Rehab is the umbrella term given to the process of medical and psychotherapeutic treatment for abusers of illegal and prescription drugs. Most Drug Rehab programs teach patients to interact in a drug-free environment. They are asked to avoid the company of others substance abusers.

Drug Rehab is sometimes a part of the criminal justice system. Persons convicted of minor drug offenses are sometimes sent to Rehab centers instead of prison. The treatment of drug addicts has two major areas--behavioral therapies and medical therapies. Behavioral therapy includes counseling and family support, and medical therapy is administering certain drugs to counteract withdrawal symptoms.

The drug treatment program consists of different methods according to the needs of different persons. The first step is Detoxification, when the individual is systematically withdrawn from addictive drugs, overseen by a doctor who takes care of the physiological effects. After this there is a choice of various programs according to the severity of the problem.

An outpatient drug-free treatment program consists of individual and group counseling and no medication. Short-term residential programs have a 3-6 week inpatient treatment that resembles the 12-step program of groups like Narcotics Anonymous. After this, the patient joins an outpatient program or a self-help group.

Therapeutic communities provide 24-hour care in a non-hospital setting. Patients stay for 6-12 months in a highly structured program. They are usually long-term addicts with highly impaired social functioning. There are also Maintenance programs for certain drugs like heroin to stop withdrawal symptoms and cravings, and use alternate drug (methadone) therapy.

In sum, Drug Rehab must aim at rebuilding the life of the drug addict. This is possible only by educating the addict and his family through psychotherapy. Through Drug Rehab programs tailored to their needs, drug abusers can learn to control their conditions and live normal, productive lives.

Home Drug Testing

Home Drug Testing: Important Things to Know When Using an At-home Drug Test Kit

Sometimes recovering addicts want to prove to their family or friends that they are not using drugs. Many turn to at-home drug testing kits, which are easy to use and provide immediate information. Proving that you are clean is a very important issue and you want to make sure your drug test provides accurate results. Here are some tips to help you make the best choice:
Choose a Test That Has Been FDA-Cleared

There are lots of home drug-testing kits on the market, but many of them are not FDA-cleared. The FDA reviews performance data to assure that the drug test meets current standards for accuracy and reliability. Tests that are not cleared by the FDA may not meet current laboratory standards. If the FDA has not reviewed a drug test product, consumers cannot be assured that the results of that drug test are as accurate as with an FDA-cleared test such as First Check Home Drug Testing Kits.
Types of At-Home Drug Testing Kits

There are many home drug testing kits available. Most are based on urine samples or saliva. There are kits that test for a single drug including amphetamines drug tests, barbiturates drug tests, cocaine drug tests, marijuana (thc) drug tests, meth drug tests and opiate (heroin) drug tests.
You can also get at-home drug test kits for panels of drugs. Combinations range from 2-panel drug tests for marijuana and cocaine to 12-panel drug tests for marijuana, cocaine, opiates (heroin), meth, Ecstasy, amphetamines, PCP, benzo's, barbiturates, methadone, tricyclic antidepressants, and Oxycodone.
How to Collect a Urine Sample for Testing
It is vital that you follow the directions on the at-home drug testing kit exactly. Be sure to fill the urine cup to the recommended level. Usually the results appear after a specified number of minutes. Wait the specified time to read results. Typically, results are not valid after the time limit.
Understand the Limits of Drug Test Results

Accuracy of a drug test depends on a variety of factors, including how soon the test is administered after ingestion of the drug and the amount of drug in the system relative to the cutoff concentrations levels (i.e. established minimum levels).

Some drugs stay in the system longer than others. Drugs like coke and meth stay in the system up to 2-4 days while PCP stays in the body 7-14 days. Heavy marijiana users may still test positive up to 40 days after the last time used.

False positives may result in the case of testing for amphetamines, if you drink a lot of caffeinated beverages or take cold medications containing pseudoephedrine. Other over-the-counter and prescription drugs may also react with various drug tests. It is important to read all information with the home drug testing kit so you are aware of what may cause false positives.

Home Drug Testing: An Overview

The past 20 years or so have seen a large increase in drug testing in the workplace and elsewhere. This testing has usually taken place in a laboratory setting; home drug testing is a relatively new phenomenon.

With increased demand for pre-employment and random drug screening of employees came a huge market for home drug testing. Several products are available to consumers and can ease one's mind. Whether the person is a recreational or habitual user or even just worried that diet or environment may create a false positive, having results from a home drug testing kit can accurately predict the outcome of the official test.

Creators of home drug testing kits also had another group in
mind: worried parents of teenagers. As one of the largest consumers of this type of product, parents can now easily test their children if drug use is suspected. Some experts question whether or not this can damage the parent/child relationship, while others argue that it is a parent's right and obligation to know and to seek treatment for their child if need be. Parents appreciate the privacy and anonymity of home drug testing.

Testing is usually performed by the traditional urine sample method; however, the oral swab method is becoming more respected and popular. The kit can be obtained via mail order, at specialty shops, or even from major pharmacies. After the sample is taken, it is sent to the company's laboratory for testing.
One can expect results in just a few days. Some of the home drug testing kits offer immediate results (within about ten minutes) but then also offer laboratory certification of the results.

Most home drug testing kits test for the ten most commonly abused substances. Home drug testing kits, like many laboratory tests, do not detect the timeframe of usage. Marijuana is the most commonly tested and is available in all screening kits.
Some all-in-one kits contain tests for marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamines, opiates, PCP and common prescription drugs.

A variety of methods are available for on-site and home drug testing. Employers like the benefits of cost cutting and convenience; parents like the option of privately testing their children. The home drug testing and on-site drug testing market flourishes because of the obvious benefits. Some human resource experts believe that on-site and do-it-yourself drug testing kits are the wave of the future.

Vitamin and Nutritional Supplement Plan for People in Recovery

Many people in recovery probably have some vitamin deficiencies and amino acid imbalances due to their former lifestyle. As they are getting on a healthier track, they find that establishing a good vitamin and nutritional supplement plan helps their bodies recover faster.

Many people find that a good place to start is with amino acid nutritional therapy because it can be helpful in normalizing brain chemistry. These amino acids include L-Glutamine, L-Phenylalanine, L-Tyrosine, L-Tryptophan, 5 hydroxytryptophan (5HTP), and GABA (Gamma-amino butyric acid). Along with various amino acid supplements, a multiple vitamin supplement can help provide your body with a variety of vitamins and minerals, including vitamins A, B, C, D, E, calcium, magnesium and other minerals.
Resources for Buying Vitamins and Nutritional Supplements

You can find vitamins and other nutritional supplements online at several websites that offer better prices on major brands than you'd find in health food stores.

Great American Products is a good resource for vitamin and nutritional supplements to help your body get back on track. They carry a full line of vitamins, amino acids, herbal supplements and body cleanse products. They also offer a free 14-day trial of their MASTER HEALTH PACK™ to help you build a healthy foundation and increase your energy and vitality.
Books about Vitamins and Nutritional Supplements for People in Recovery

There is also a variety of good books available that discuss specific foods and vitamin and nutritional supplements that people in recovery can take to help their bodies return to a healthier state and restore the proper biochemical balance in the brain. An excellent book is End Your Addiction Now: The Proven Nutritional Supplement Program That Can Set You Free by Charles Gant, Greg Lewis (Ph.D.). Dr. Gant features a three-stage program that can help you reduce drug and alcohol cravings, detoxify and cleanse your body using an over-the-counter remedy, and correct nutritional imbalances. He specifies which amino acids to take, according to your addiction.

Another highly regarded book on nutritional supplement programs for recovering addicts is Natural Highs: Supplements, Nutrition, and Mind-Body Techniques to Help You Feel Good All the Time by Hyla Cass, Patrick Holford. This book covers covers all kinds of natural means to feel better, including herbal remedies, amino acids and vitamins (along with specific doses to take), specific foods to eat, biofeedback, aromatherapy, massage, meditation and more.











* The information contained on this site is general in nature and is not meant to substitute professional medical advice. Dietary/nutritional supplement products mentioned or linked to by this site have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any diseases.

Different Detox-cleansing Regimes

Your body should clean itself naturally, but today’s diets make that process difficult. Many turn to internal body cleansing to rid the body of waste products and toxins. A detoxification treatment is designed to help the body eliminate stored toxins and strengthen the organs involved in this process.

Colon cleansing helps clean the organ that assists the body in the elimination of waste. A dirty colon can lead to a build up of toxins in the body and illness. By using herbal treatments or irrigation therapy, a colon cleansing eliminates the toxins and helps the intestinal tract work properly. It is essential to do this cleanse first so that the waste produced by other detoxification procedures can be eliminated efficiently.

Your kidneys clean about 200 pints of blood daily. A kidney cleanse will help your kidneys function more efficiently. It usually involves consuming a very large amount of water or juice and then eliminating it all to flush the kidneys out.

Your liver completes about two dozen processes for the body daily, and cleansing this important organ helps the liver to assist the immune system and support the body’s digestive functions. There are several supplements and liver flush programs available.

Cleansing the lungs is also important for good health. American diets high in dairy products often result in fatty lung tissue. Cleansing the lungs eases this problem.

Finally, a skin cleansing releases the toxins lodged in the fatty layers just underneath the skin. Most are performed with herbs, saunas and sweat lodges.

Cleansing your body from toxins is a great way to keep your systems “clean” and running smoothly. The results are worth it: improved immune system, clearer skin complexion, better sleep, curing of acne, constipation, disappearance of unpleasant body odour.

Body Detoxification During Addiction Recovery

As you begin to heal mentally and emotionally from addiction — and from the physical part of the addictive substance itself — remember to take care of your body as well. You may want to consider a body detoxification* or "detox."

If you have been abusing alcohol or drugs, chances are it has taken a toll on your liver and other internal organs, and probably your skin as well. Further, it is almost impossible to avoid chemicals, food additives and environmental pollutants that, along with drugs or alcohol, can burden our systems.

Many recovering addicts find it helpful to cleanse their system by performing a full body detox. Not only may it help cleanse your liver, kidneys, colon and other internal organs, it may also boost your energy, enhance your skin and even help you lose weight and sleep better.

Body cleansing or detox has been around since around the mid-19th century, but many people don't really know what that is.
What is Body Detox or Cleansing?

The body can repair itself when we are young, but as we age, and especially when we abuse our bodies, it becomes harder for our bodies to regenerate cells and repair themselves. "Detox" isn't just for recovering alcoholics or drug abusers, it can be beneficial to most people. Perhaps a better phrase would be a "body cleanse."

Body cleansing or detox can take a variety of forms. In Ayurveda, a form of alternative medicine, it can take the form of diet, herbs and sweating to move the toxins from the organs into the intestines and bloodstream. From there a variety of techniques are used to flush the toxins from the body. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, treatment is based on the cause, it is not a "one-size-fits-all" treatment. Other body cleanse programs involve fasting.

If you are thinking this is not for me, there is good news. There is also a variety of simple to follow body cleansing or detox programs you can do at home.
Inexpensive At-Home Body Cleansing and Detox Programs

Like many people, you may not have the time or money to invest in a body cleansing program through an alternative health care practitioner. Fortunately, there are a number of herbal-based full body cleansing kits you can purchase to do a body detox/cleanse at home. They are simple to follow and do not interfere with your daily routine.

Typically an at-home Body Cleanse kit will include a cleansing fiber, an herbal liver cleanser and a cleansing laxative in the form of capsules you take at prescribed times throughout the day for a period of one week. You can get body cleansing detox kits on line at many health and vitamin/supplement web sites. Great American Products offers a good detox/body cleanse called Master Detox Program.

Enzymatic Therapy also makes an excellent product called Whole Body Cleanse, which is an easy to follow, two-week program that works to cleanse intestines, liver, gall bladder, circulatory and lymphatic systems without using stimulant laxatives, clay or heavy metals. It is available at Amazon.com
Body Cleansing and Detox Tips

When you are on a body cleansing program, alternative health care professionals recommend that you try to drink lots of water to help your body flush out the toxins and eat a diet rich in fresh fruit and vegetables and whole grains.

What to avoid during a body cleansing: It is recommended that you avoid refined sugar, all refined-flour products (bread, pasta, cookies, etc.), alcohol, caffeine, artificial sweeteners, meat, dairy and processed foods like lunch meats while you are cleansing your body.





* The information contained on this site is general in nature and is not meant to substitute professional medical advice. The products mentioned on this site are not intended to replace professional medical advice or treatment. None of the statements on this site are a recommendation as to how to treat any particular disease or health-related condition. Please read all health information carefully and consult with a health care professional before starting any diet, exercise, supplement, or medication program. Dietary/nutritional supplement products mentioned or linked to by this site have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any diseases. Self care products are only for your personal comfort and are not intended to replace professional medical procedures or guidance. Individual results can and do vary.

ENJOYING LIFE AS A CLEAN AND SOBER PERSON

Gratitude List

The cure for feelings of self-pity and lack of motivation, otherwise known as stinking thinking, is to create a Gratitude List. Learn about creating your own Gratitude List.

Gratitude List

Depression is defined as a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity.

Gratitude is defined as a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation for what we have.

The cure for feelings of self-pity and lack of motivation, otherwise known as stinking thinking, is to create a Gratitude List.

(Print this page and make your list)

I am grateful for: ______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Remember all that you are thankful for. Stay out of a rut. And enjoy life!

SPIRITUALITY IN THE ADDICTION RECOVERY PROCESS

For many, spirituality is a key component of the recovery from addiction. Many take comfort in the Serenity Prayer

Serenity Prayer

The serenity prayer is important to many people in addiction recovery. Some find it comforting to wear the serenity prayer as jewelry, such as a pewter cross or a dog tag so they have it with them at all times.

Being able to separate the things that can be controlled from the things that cannot is a basic and critical component for continuing the recovery process. Not understanding this concept can result in frustration, anger, and feeling stressed-out thus possibly leading to relapse vulnerability.

There are variations of the serenity prayer; here is the most common variation.
God grant be the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
God With the saying of this word, I am admitting the existence of a Higher. A Being far greater than I.
Grant With the repeating of this second word I am admitting that this Higher Power is an authority that gives and bestows.
Me I am asking for something for myself. The Bible states that if I ask it shall be given. It is not wrong to ask for betterment fro myself. For with the improvement of my character, people around me will be happier.
Serenity I am asking for calmness, composure, and peace in my life which will enable me to think straight and govern myself properly.
To accept I am resigning myself to conditions as they are right now.
The things I cannot change I am accepting my lot in life as it is. Until I have the courage to change any part of my life I don't like, I must accept it and not accept it
grudgingly.
Courage I am asking for the quality of spirit to face conditions without flinching.
To Change I am asking for conditions to be different.
The Things I Can I am asking for help to make the right decisions and seek progress not perfection.
Wisdom I am asking for the ability to form sound judgments in any and all manners.
To know I want to be able to understand clearly truths of fact.
The Difference I want to see things differently in my life so there can be distinction. I need to sense a definite value in love over selfishness.

Benefits of Leisure Activities for Managing Stress

While most of us do not consciously think about the benefits of leisure activities for managing stress while we are engaged in an activity, listing the benefits will assist you in choosing meaningful and satisfying activities.

Think about activities you enjoy for the following situations:

* A leisure activity I do TO RELAX

* A leisure activity I do TO SOCIALIZE

* A leisure activity I do TO BE PHYSICALLY FIT

* A leisure activity I do TO BE MENTALLY STIMULATED

* A leisure activity I do TO COMPETE

* A leisure activity I do TO BE CREATIVE

* A leisure activity I do TO BE ALONE

* A leisure activity I do TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW

* A leisure activity I do TO HELP OTHERS

* A leisure activity I do THAT HELPS ME SPIRITUALLY

* A leisure activity I do AS A SPECTATOR

* A leisure activity I do FOR ACCOMPLISHMENT


Engaging in leisure activities can make an important contribution to your physical and mental well-being and major stress management technique!

Building Healthy Self-esteem

Low Self-esteem can be the cause of many problems, from drug or alcohol abuse to marital issues. By boosting your self esteem, you can increase your odds of staying on your recovery track.
How to Build Self Esteem

There are many ways you can build your self esteem. You can start by trying to maintain a positive outlook and remembering that YOU are in control. If you are feeling down about yourself or a behavior or characteristic, you have the power to change yourself.
Ways You Can Improve Your Self-esteem:

1. Review you strengths and achievements. Make a list of the things you are good at. It can be anything from knowing how to hook up a stereo system or playing basketball to being a good speller. We have all struggled to learn something and we have all accomplished something, big or small. Make a list of your achievements and think of ways you can use and develop your strengths and skills in other situations.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others. If you are focusing on people you think are "better" than you, it will only set you up for more negative thoughts and even lower self-esteem. No one is perfect. On the other hand, by noting the characteristics or behaviors of people you admire, you can try to develop those same characteristics in yourself.

3. Don't be a doormat: Learn how to say No. You don't have to say yes to everything people ask of you. Start to develop boundaries and accept that it is perfectly OK to say no. If you don't acknowledge your needs and desires, no one else will. It leaves the door open for people to take advantage of you. If you can learn to say no sometimes, you are telling yourself you have value.

4. Lean how to accept compliments. It's great to receive compliments. Accept them graciously. Just say thank you and smile. If you dismiss compliments or ignore them, you are giving the message that you are not worthy of them. In the future people may be less likely to compliment you if they think you are just going to brush them off.

5. Associate with positive people. Being around people who are positive and supportive will help you feel better about yourself. If you surround yourself with negative people, they may influence your own attitude or put you or your ideas down. Find time for your friends. Stay in touch, whether by phone or e-mail. Having a network of positive, supportive friends can be a great source of support.

6. Celebrate your own special qualities. Make a list of qualities that you like about yourself, such as having a sense of humor, being a thoughtful person, having patience, being good with kids, etc. If you are having a hard time with your list, ask some close friends. You may be surprised with what they come up with. When you are having a bad day and feeling down, bring out this list and reaffirm yourself.

7. Stay Active. Exercise gets those endorphins flowing and helps promote a more positive attitude. Besides, when you look good and feel healthy, you feel more positive about yourself. You don't have to go to the gym if it is not your thing. There are lots of fun activities you can do to stay fit or active. Try walking your dog, going swimming, or any other activity you enjoy.

8. Take care of your physical appearance. This does not mean to obsess about your looks! Wear something you like and that you know looks good on you. Get a haircut. Stand tall. It is amazing how your posture can reflect on the way you feel. When you slump and shuffle along, you tend to feel the way you look. When you stand straight and walk with confidence, this gives you an immediate boost. Try it and see!

9. Distance yourself from people who are negative or overly critical. Or resolve not to let them bother you. Some people see the glass as half empty. Try to turn off those critical voices in your head putting out all that negative energy—that includes yours, too. It is hard to develop self esteem when you keep putting yourself down. Everyone makes mistakes. Try to learn from them rather than keep punishing yourself for them.

10. Try to do nice things for other people. (This doesn't mean you can't say "no" sometimes when people ask you for a favor). When you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good, and that helps increase your self-worth and self-esteem.

The important thing is, take action, even if it is only a baby step. You have the power to change your life, one step at a time. When you start feeling better about yourself, your self confidence and self esteem will skyrocket.

REBUILDING RELATIONSHIPS AFTER TREATMENT FOR ADDICTION

Communication Traps

Why are words so important? What difference does it make how something is said? How is it possible that the listener can receive a different message than the speaker intended?
Avoid Communication Traps:
Effective Communication Skills

Why are words so important? What difference does it make how something is said? How is it possible that the listener can receive a different message than the speaker intended? Learning effective communication skills can help you in recovering your relationships with loved ones.

It is vital to a recovering relationship that both parties leave the past behind and stay in the present. It is a very difficult thing for most couples, and those involved in other relationships such as work and friendships, to accomplish.

People have overpowering feelings of guilt, anger, hurt, stress, low self-esteem, and defensiveness. Negative patterns of interacting have become automatic.

In order to learn new ways of talking to each other and avoid blaming and arguing, the following issues need to be considered. If there is a particular pattern of interacting you recognize, try to guard against falling back into it when you discuss "stressful or sensitive issues" with another person. Check yourself when you are talking and see whether you are falling into any of the stress inducing communication traps.

1. Are you assuming?
If you are not certain whether a remark was meant to be positive or negative, check it out by asking.

2. Are you hinting?
Ask openly for what you want or need and try to accept the fact that your request may or may not be granted.

3. Are you giving double messages?
Often facial expressions or our gestures give a very different message than the speaker's words. Listeners need to be aware of nonverbal cues they may also be giving.

4. Can you admit a mistake?
If being right is more important to either party than being understood, communication will clearly break down. The idea is to begin to understand each other and not to resort to stress inducing power struggle.

5. Do you triangle?
When you are talking "about" someone and speaking to another person you are triangling. Speak directly ro the person you are discussing to avoid this trap. Triangling is not communicating effectively.

Paying attention to these issues will help the recovery process and reduce stressful situations. Clear positive interactions will allow both people to grow in self-esteem and confidence and will pave the way to a committed, enjoyable and trusting
relationship.

Fighting Fairly

Fighting is not good or bad but, the way people fight can have positive or negative results

Fighting Fairly: Rules for Healthy Arguing

It is not realistic to expect a relationship to be free of stress-inducing conflict. Fighting (arguing) is not good or bad, but the way couples fight can have positive or negative results.

When alcohol and/or drugs are being abused and couples are arguing, bad habits can be learned. During the last fight you can remember, were you observing these ground rules?
Arguing Recommendations

1. No physical violence allowed! This rule cannot be repeated too often. While conflicts can often help you strengthen your relationship, abuse always destroys relationships.

2. Try to keep your voice down. If you start to yell, your partner will probably react to your loudness instead of responding to your words. What you are saying gets lost in how you are saying it.

3. Say what you feel when you feel it. Make a commitment to share your emotions honestly, even when they are at their most intense level. Do not forget to share the good feelings too, not just the bad.

4. Don't say it if you don't mean it. Choose your words as carefully as you can in the heat of the moment. Although you can apologize later or say you didn't mean it, you can never truly take them back once they've slipped out of your mouth.

5. Don't hit below the belt. The better you know someone the better you know his or her most vulnerable spots. Avoid the temptation to aim for those vulnerable spots during a fight.

6. Do not blame, condemn, attack, or criticize your partner. Concentrate on communicating how you feel.

7. Stick to the here and now. Don't bring up old issues, third parties who aren't really involved, or any other extraneous material.

8. Be specific. Don't generalize or use expressions like "You never…" or You always…"

9. Give each other equal time. Listen. Don't interrupt when your partner is speaking. Give the other person a fair chance to express their feelings and options.

10. Make a commitment to end fights peacefully. Do not allow a fight to become open ended or ongoing.

Common Symptoms Leading to Relapse

In recovery it is important to be aware of the symptoms that can lead a person to relapse. These behaviors or ways of thinking have proven to have harmful effects and consequences on the maintenance of the recovery process. It is suggested that you remain mindful of these symptoms in caring for yourself.

1. Dishonesty: This begins a pattern of unnecessary little lies and deceits with fellow workers, friends, and family. The next step is you start lying to yourself. This is called rationalization- making excuses for not doing what you know you need to do, or pretending to do other things in lieu of what really needs to be done.

2. Impatience: You feel like things are not happening fast enough. Or others are not doing what you want them to do, in the way you want them to do it. Remember, using drugs or alcohol is about immediate gratification. Recovery is about being patient and honestly trusting the process.

3. Argumentative: Arguing small and ridiculous points of view indicates a need to always be right. "Why don't you be reasonable and agree with me?" Ask yourself "Do I always have to be right, and possibly alone?" Look at why you provoke arguments. Could it be you are setting up a justification in order to relapse!

4. It won't happen to me, syndrome: This is very dangerous thinking. Almost anything can happen to you if you get careless in your recovery. Remember, you have a progressive disease, and if you start using or drinking again, you start up where you left off when you quit.

5. Cockiness: So, you think you've got it made. You no longer fear your addiction. You start testing yourself, trying to prove to yourself and other that the problem is fixed, cured, or went away. Do this often enough and it will wear down your defenses. Before you know it you are using just a little on weekends, and then during the week. You know the pattern…

6. Complacency: It is very dangerous to let up on all the disciplines that have been structuring you recovery. When you get complacent and start taking your recovery for granted you are setting yourself up for the fall. It is always better to have a little fear about relapsing than no fear at all.

7. Expectations: "I have changed, why hasn't everyone else?" It is always a plus if they do although it is still your recovery even if they choose not to change. People may not accept you yet, and may still be looking for further proof that you can stay clean and sober. It is not wise to expect others to change their lifestyle and attitude just because you have decided to make a life-saving change.

Remember: Be careful with yourself. Life will be less stressful and more enjoyable.

Depression and the Affects on Life

Depression is a serious condition, one that has many affects on life. It needs to be dealt with in order to maintain and enjoy the recovery process. Research indicates that drug or alcohol addiction and depression are related, although it is not yet known if this relationship exists because depressed individuals tend to use more or if drug/alcohol use causes depression. If the depression persists for more than two weeks seeking treatment is strongly suggested.

A large majority of individuals in addiction recovery experience problems with depression from time to time during the recovery process. Left untreated depression can lead to a relapse and possibly re-addiction. It is important to be able to identify the symptoms of depression and prepare yourself to challenge and cope with the feelings.
Symptoms of Depression:

* Sad thoughts
* Increased thought of drinking and/or using
* Insomnia
* Suicidal thoughts or actions
* Stopping 12-Step or other outside self-help program attendance
* Stopping an exercise regime
* Sleeping more than usual
* Over eating or not eating
* Feelings of boredom or irritability
* Losing interest in things (e.g., family life, hobbies, career)
* Low energy levels
* Isolating

Depression Affirmations: Tips for Healing Depression

1. Exercise
2. Talk to a therapist trained in depression treatments
3. Consider evaluation for medication
4. Talk to your 12-Step sponsor
5. Talk to a trusted friend
6. Consider starting a journal and/or creating a Gratitude List
7. Plan some outdoor activities with friends and/or family members
8. Cry and let the pain out
9. Attain a balanced and healthy diet
10. Assure going to work and strive to do a good job

Depression can have many affects on life. Effectively challenging and coping with depression will keep your recovery process intact and allow you to continue enjoying life as a clean and sober person.

Addiction Recovery Boredom

When you are in addiction recovery, keeping busy will help alleviate boredom.

Often people who stop using drugs and alcohol say life feels boring. Some of the reasons for this feeling might be:

* A structured, routine life feels different from an addict lifestyle.

* Brain chemical changes during recovery can make people feel flat (or bored).

* Drug and alcohol users often have huge emotional swings (high to low and back to high). Normal emotions can feel flat by comparison.

People with longer sobriety rarely complain of continual boredom, so these feelings do change. Meanwhile there are some ways to help you deal with boredom.
Solutions to Deal with Boredom in Your Addiction Recovery Process: Keeping Busy

* Talk about this feeling with a mate or close friend. Does he or she have any interesting suggestions?

* Think about scheduling your time: forcing yourself to write out daily activity helps you see where you can schedule in more interesting experiences.

* Do something challenging that will further your personal growth.

* Plan something you can look forward to doing. ( a vacation, movie, visit a sober friend).

* Start doing the things that you enjoyed before using drugs or alcohol.

Anger Management When You Are Free from Substance Abuse

Anger is an emotion, which leads many people to relapse. This is particularly true in early recovery. That is why anger management when you are free from substance abuse is so important. Anger is frequently experienced as a slow, building process during which you constantly think about the anger-producing issues.

Sometimes it seems that the issue causing the anger is the only important thing in life. Often a sense of victimization accompanies the anger. You may feel things like: Why do I get all the bad breaks? How come she doesn't understand my needs? Why won't he just do what I want him to?

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

* How do you recognize when you get angry?

* How do you express anger?

* Do you hold it in and eventually explode?

* Do you become sarcastic and passive aggressive?

* Can you think of any positive ways to deal with anger?

Anger Management Tips

Some alternatives to help manager your anger might be:

* Talk to the person who you are angry with.

* Talk to a therapist, a 12-Step sponsor, or another person who can give you guidance.

* Talk about your anger in an outside support group meeting.

* Write about your feelings of anger.

* Take a "time-out" to help change your frame of mind.

* Exercise

Most recovering people report having some problems with anger from time to time during recovery from substance abuse. For some people this anger, left untreated, can result in relapse. Therefore, it is important to be aware of signs of anger and be prepared to cope with the feeling.

Self Control and Addictive Behavior

Identifying Symptoms and Triggers of an Addictive Personality

As drug and alcohol use increases, the user tries to keep life under control. That gets harder and harder to do. Finally the user does desperate things to try to continue to appear normal. These desperate behaviors are called addictive behaviors. They are the things people do related to their drug and alcohol use. Sometimes the behaviors ONLY occur when people are using or moving toward using.

Learning to recognize when one or more of these behaviors begin to happen will help you to know when to start fighting extra hard to move away from relapse.
Do You Have an Addictive Personality?

Which of these behaviors do you think are related to your drug or alcohol use?

* Lying

* Stealing

* Being irresponsible (e.g., not meeting family/work obligations)

* Being unreliable (e.g., late for appointments, breaking promises)

* Being careless about health and grooming (e.g., stopping exercise, poor diet, etc.)

* Getting sloppy in house keeping

* Behaving impulsively (without thinking)

* Behaving compulsively (e.g., too much eating, working, sex)

* Losing interest in things (e.g., recreational activities, family life)

* Isolating (staying by yourself much of the time)

* Using other drugs or alcohol

* Missing or being late for 12-Step or other support groups

* Stopping prescribed medication (antidepressants, anti-anxiety, Antabuse, etc.)

Learn what triggers your addictive behaviors and self-control techniques to keep those behaviors in check.

Stress Management During Your Recovery Process

Stress can be a major side effect during your recovery process. Below are links to some tools for managing stress. Learn how to recognize and reduce stress in your life, and see how to spot stress induced thinking errors.
Recognizing Stress

Stress is the experience people have when the demands they make of themselves or those placed upon them are greater than what they feel they can handle

RECOGNIZING SYMPTOMS OF STRESS
Definition of Stress

What is Stress? Stress is what a person experiences as the result of difficult or upsetting events, especially those that continue for a period of time.

Stress is the experience people have when the demands they make of themselves or those placed upon them are greater than what they feel they can handle.
Symptoms of Stress

Sometimes we are unaware of this emotional state until the stress is producing physical symptoms. Have you experienced any of these symptoms in the past 30 days?

* Sleep problems including:

- Difficulty falling asleep
- Waking up off and on during the night
- Nightmares
- Waking up early and being unable to fall back asleep

* Headaches

* Stomach problems

* Chronic illness

* Fatigue

* Moodiness

* Irritability

* Difficulty concentrating

* General dissatisfaction with life

* Feeling overwhelmed

If you have experienced two or more of these symptoms, you need to think about reducing stress immediately. By becoming more aware of stress and its symptoms and learning appropriate ways how to deal with stress, you can further ensure your ability to maintain and enjoy a clean and sober lifestyle.

Reducing Stress

Learn how to identify which parts of your daily living are most stressful. Recognizing stress triggers and taking steps to minimize these problems will help reduce stress

IS STRESS TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE?
Reducing Stress: Questionnaire on Stress Management

The following stress management questionnaire should be answered as honestly as possible to help identify which parts of your daily living are most stressful. Recognizing stress triggers and taking steps to minimize these problems will help reduce stress in your life.

1. Your time, energy, and money are all you have to give. Are you investing them in work that you enjoy and that satisfies you?

2. Focusing on the present means giving your attention to the task at hand without the past and future crippling you. Are you usually able to stay in the here and now?

3. Do you appreciate things like music, reading, nature, and personal relationships? Or are you overly focused on having money and things?

4. Are you forcing yourself to do things that increase your self-confidence?

5. Do you tackle large goals by breaking them into smaller, more manageable task?

6. Are you careful to make your environment peaceful?

7. Can you and do you say "NO" when that is how you feel?

8. Do you know how to use self-relaxation techniques to relax your body? Do you allow time in your day to do it?

9. Are you careful to avoid large swings in body energy caused by taking in excess sugar and caffeine?

10. Are there specific ways you deal with anger and get it out of your system physically?

Stress Induced Thinking Errors

Our thoughts play an influential role in our perception of the stress we are under. Some of these stress inducing thoughts are referred to as cognitive distortions. These stress inducing thinking errors can exacerbate any stress we are under and it is important to identify and challenge them

Stress Inducing Thinking Errors (Cognitive Distortions)

Our thoughts play an influential role in our perception of the stress we are under. Some of these stress inducing thoughts are referred to as cognitive distortions. These stress inducing thinking errors can exacerbate any stress we are under and it is important to identify and challenge them.
Listed below are some of the most common of these thinking errors. Try and acknowledge those that might apply to you.

1. Black and White Thinking (All or Nothing Thinking): In black and white thinking we tend to see things, ourselves, and other people as being all wrong or all right, all good or all bad. We are either a total success or a total failure. We are completely 100% right or 100% wrong. The reality is we all make mistakes. Life is a learning process and nobody is perfect. For example, if we make one mistake we believe we have failed.

2. Overgeneralization: In overgeneralization when we experience a single negative event, such as not getting a job we applied for, we tend to think we will never get a job ever again. We make a mistake and we think we can never do things right. We arrive at conclusions based on single events. For example "Everything I do turns out wrong."

3. Catastrophising: When we catastrophise we automatically think the worst is going to happen, it will be awful and we will not be able to cope. For example "My relationship broke up, so nobody will want a relationship with me ever again."

4. Negative Filtering: In negative filtering we see only the negative and seldom see the positives. We filter out all the good things life offers and overly focus on the negative parts of life. We obsess on a single negative detail and dwell on it. We make predictions about what will happen to us in the future based on negative information.

5. Magnifying or Minimizing: In magnifying/minimizing we blow things out of proportion. We make mountains out of molehills. We tend to minimize the strengths and qualities of ourselves and others and magnify and exaggerate supposed weakness, mistakes, and errors.

6. Personalization and Blame: In personalization and blame if something bad happens we tend to assume it is our fault. We blame ourselves solely for situations and events that we were not entirely responsible for. The opposite example is we take no personal responsibility; we blame other people and/or situations. For example "My relationship broke up so it must be all my fault" or "My relationship broke up so it must be all his/her fault."

7. Emotional Reasoning: In emotional reasoning we let are feelings guide our interpretation of reality. We think that what we are feeling must be true and accurate, so if we feel we are a failure then we must be a failure; if we feel we are ugly then we must be ugly. We do not look for facts to support what we feel; we have a feeling and just accept it as the truth or reality. For example, we may be so stressed that we have difficulty with our emotions and therefore conclude that our marriage is not working when in fact it is our blunted emotions that are causing the problem.

8. Discounting the Positive: In discounting the positive we trivialize the positive things about ourselves and others by saying/thinking that these positives do not count for much. For example your spouse or significant other say you are good at something, but you say they are only mentioning it because they are your spouse or significant other. Try accepting the compliment and say thank you.

9. Heaven's Reward Thinking: In heaven's reward thinking we do the right thing to gain our reward; we sacrifice and slave imagining that we are collecting brownie points that we can cash in some day. We base our decisions and actions on what others need, often ignoring our own needs. For example "If I look after my own needs I am being selfish."

10. Unrealistic Comparisons: In unrealistic comparisons we compare ourselves to other people, work colleagues, neighbors, etc. and view them as being more successful, better looking than we are, happier than we are, and better at handling and coping with life than we are.

Identifying thinking errors is a big step in reducing stress in our daily living thus allowing us to enjoy life, our relationships, and our work life.

Addiction Recovery Tools for Life

If you landed on this website, chances are you are a person in addiction recovery seeking information and solutions on how to rebuild your life and relationships. You may be looking for help in learning how to manage the stress of daily life after your drug or alcohol addiction treatment. We can provide help and support.

Addiction to drugs or alcohol is a chronic disease, which means you can relapse. So recovery from addiction is a lifelong process.

Developing strategies and solutions for coping with stress and anger, rebuilding relationships and learning to manage your day-to-day life is an important part of maintaining your recovery and will help prevent you from relapsing back into drug or alcohol addiction.